Growing Pains

This week has been a true lesson in growth.  I feel like I’ve had a mirror put up to myself, and I’ve been able to see a reflection of the good and the not so good.  I  knew that I wasn’t perfect before, but I had no idea that there was still so much work to be done.   I wish that I could fix all those bad habits that took years to develop  overnight, but it’s just not possible.  It seems, I learn best through experiences, and recently I’ve  have been given enough to have grown about  5”.   If the day should ever come when I've finished learning all my life lessons, I will be a 7’ tall Amazon lady with a morphine drip running through my veins  as a result of my “GROWING PAINS.” (thought I’d throw it in there)

 One of the biggest areas of development has been in relationship arena, that of which I liken to hair.  Why you ask?  In order for hair to be healthy, it needs to be well maintained; washed, conditioned, treated, and trimmed.  In order to achieve the fabulous looks that our hair really isn’t meant to do, many  of us process the life out of hair.   Like a relationship, we need to take the necessary steps in order for it to be healthy, and free from signs of damage.  As for me, there are some people in my life that I care about and would like to build a stronger connection with, but I don’t always make the time to do that.  It’s wrong of me because I have come to realize that most of us just don’t read minds.  Even a simple phone call could fill the void and show them, although I am super busy, they are on my mind.  Relationships of this nature need general maintenance with the right conditioner to keep the status in good standings. 

 Then I’ve  also had to address some unhealthy relationships in my life.  I wouldn’t even know if I would classify them as toxic friends, but  I would say that they are people with whom I generally never  feel one hundred percent myself around them.  In one instance, I was trying to connect with some of  the ultra Nigerian only circle, and  now am completely over it!   I am too old to feel squeamish around someone who isn’t giving me a paycheck.  I’ve come to recognize this feeling as a big red  flag, and would rather go with my mom to the old ANN & HOPE in Cranston to look for drapes, then put myself through that.   I think that the more you “try”  and be friends with some one, the more drama and inconsistency you will see in the uncertain friendship.  I am a Nigerian- American, and have been blessed with two socially aware parents who have taught to me focus on what’s in a person heart, not what’s stamped on their passport.  With that said, they are some people who will accept me as I am, and there are those who will never appreciate my ability to work within many circles.    My recommended course of action is  to get a trim.  Yup!  If you recognize these type of people in your life, cut off those dead ends that stunt growth.   Free yourself  of anything that is unhealthy; if left untreated, it will eventually break itself off far worse than if you had taken charge and cut it off the correct way.

 Lastly, I want to acknowledge the relationship that I have with myself, Adenike.  I forget sometimes that I need to maintain this deep kinship, and really pay attention to what is going on with me, just as I would any other relationship.  I  have the tendency to skip over myself, and add just keep going, and going.  It’s an unhealthy way to conduct your life.   I am making an effort to put myself first .   Maybe it’s taking time to treat myself to relaxing  walk in the park, or not scheduling  ANYTHING during free time and staying  home on a nice Saturday afternoon and watching classic movies.   Maybe it is even as indulgent as waking up and going to the gym before I sit down to open even one email.   It may seem self-centered, but really it isn’t.  The way in which one cares for herself, is synonymous with the way one  treats others.   I’m giving  myself a good old weekly deep conditioning treatment called TLC, and hope that it works.

Hair is not even remotely as important or relevant,  as the connection you have with others and yourself.  I threw it in their because I know that many of us are so into hair care, but not as attentive to other needs (myself included).   I plan to create strong, healthy associations, which require the right kind of maintenance with the correct course of action.  This is a must in order for there to be a strong and healthy development with the potential to grow.  At the end of the day, all we really have is relationships. 

 As Always Adenike

Can't Stop the Sexy!

Last Sunday, I was sitting in the park, watching the trees bloom because I knew it was a scene that wasn't going to last.  I started to watch a squirrel run around in front of me, and make little nature noises.  A nice lazy Sunday in the park,  like a page out of National Geographic.  

Then all of the sudden, the squirrel stopped running.  It stood up, faced me, and began to beat on it's chest, like Tarzan.  I could not stop laughing and couldn't believe what I had just seen.  Only me right?  

 Ever have that feeling like the jokes on you?

I put that odd little occurrence behind me and headed back to my apartment to prepare for a fashionable brunch in the meatpacking district where I'd be able to smitchz and schmooze with fabulous industry creatives.  I put on a crowd-pleaser dress with my grey Jessica Bennett gladiator heels; was feeling great, and looking good.  I began to walk, ok... so I was sauntering down the street, and I came across a woman, who had long since skipped, splashed, and then sprawled down the slippery slope of  "I'm a mom, so I don't need to try anymore" with her daughter.  She unabashedly looked me up and down, and then asked, " Those shoes don't hurt?!!?" Followed by, "My goodness, I don't know how you can where those heels, I can't do it anymore!"  I was a little caught off guard with her comment, In my head I heard a record get suddenly get cut off, you know that sound, kinds like zzzeeerruuppp! 

I thought to myself, should they hurt?   Clearly, I am wearing these shoes, and do not plan on taking them off because a complete stranger suggested that they should hurt.  If they did hurt, I think I would have realized that before I left the house, or even as I was buying them, and since I have them on, and that wasn't enough to keep me from putting them on MY feet.  At that point something clicked.  I distinctively heard the use of the word "anymore" in her chastising speech.  Possibly, she misses wearing heels?  Was the green eyed monster rearing it's ugly head?  Whatevs!!!   It was too hot, to be bothered.  I smiled, replied, "na" and kept on walking.  I actually own heels that don't hurt.  I love shoes, and buy good ones, in my size, or else it's just a waste of limited closet space.  

 I went to the Sunday brunch, listened to good music, met some really cool people, drank Mimosas, (well what else would I be drinking at 4pm on a Sunday) and had a great time.  It was the perfect day for it, a little hot, with an occasional, needed breeze.   It was great!  After long winter hibernation it felt good to be out there mingling, and seeing what the streets were saying about fashion.  From my observations, the finger wave is making a come back, muted colors paired with pops of brights work wonderfully, and sun hats are doing big things.   I got some great inspirations!

 On the way back home, I was content with a slight twist of tipsy.  I had not a care in the world.   My friends and I stopped to get a slice of pizza then jumped on the train.  We were laughing and talking; making plans for my new haircut, and discussing what celebrity I want to look like.  After a few minutes on the ride, we said our goodbyes and they got off.  My stop was next, so I was about to stand up and walk towards the door, and then I felt someone staring at me from the corner of my eye.  It was another mother daughter duo!!!!  This time the daughter spoke (in a very audible tone).  She said, "Mommy, I like her shoes, yeah they're nice, but her dress is OK. They don't really match; there's no grey in her dress.  Actually, I don't like it.” I turned, and looked.  The girl appeared to be about 8 or 9yrs old, so I was expecting her surly looking mother to correct her behavior. But instead, she looked at me and thens turns to face her daughter and says, "Me neither."    

That was it!!!!   The train doors opened, I got off the train and bid adieu to all the "fashion critics."   

This couldn't have been a coincidence.  There was a secret alliance of mommies sent out to annoy me that day.  There just had to be!  I began to wonder whether the squirrel beating it's chest at me was a sign to expect major b.s.  Their comments didn't bruise my ego, but I did get an insight as to how women see other women when they themselves have stopped caring.  I believe that it is not required to let yourself go once you are a mother.   It's a choice, as anything else is.  

 When I become a mom, I plan on being the sexiest thing pushing a stroller!  How I feel on the inside, and the way I represent that on the outside will always matter.

 

You better make way for this stiletto Mama!  

 

 

As Always Adenike