Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Growing Pains

This week has been a true lesson in growth.  I feel like I’ve had a mirror put up to myself, and I’ve been able to see a reflection of the good and the not so good.  I  knew that I wasn’t perfect before, but I had no idea that there was still so much work to be done.   I wish that I could fix all those bad habits that took years to develop  overnight, but it’s just not possible.  It seems, I learn best through experiences, and recently I’ve  have been given enough to have grown about  5”.   If the day should ever come when I've finished learning all my life lessons, I will be a 7’ tall Amazon lady with a morphine drip running through my veins  as a result of my “GROWING PAINS.” (thought I’d throw it in there)

 One of the biggest areas of development has been in relationship arena, that of which I liken to hair.  Why you ask?  In order for hair to be healthy, it needs to be well maintained; washed, conditioned, treated, and trimmed.  In order to achieve the fabulous looks that our hair really isn’t meant to do, many  of us process the life out of hair.   Like a relationship, we need to take the necessary steps in order for it to be healthy, and free from signs of damage.  As for me, there are some people in my life that I care about and would like to build a stronger connection with, but I don’t always make the time to do that.  It’s wrong of me because I have come to realize that most of us just don’t read minds.  Even a simple phone call could fill the void and show them, although I am super busy, they are on my mind.  Relationships of this nature need general maintenance with the right conditioner to keep the status in good standings. 

 Then I’ve  also had to address some unhealthy relationships in my life.  I wouldn’t even know if I would classify them as toxic friends, but  I would say that they are people with whom I generally never  feel one hundred percent myself around them.  In one instance, I was trying to connect with some of  the ultra Nigerian only circle, and  now am completely over it!   I am too old to feel squeamish around someone who isn’t giving me a paycheck.  I’ve come to recognize this feeling as a big red  flag, and would rather go with my mom to the old ANN & HOPE in Cranston to look for drapes, then put myself through that.   I think that the more you “try”  and be friends with some one, the more drama and inconsistency you will see in the uncertain friendship.  I am a Nigerian- American, and have been blessed with two socially aware parents who have taught to me focus on what’s in a person heart, not what’s stamped on their passport.  With that said, they are some people who will accept me as I am, and there are those who will never appreciate my ability to work within many circles.    My recommended course of action is  to get a trim.  Yup!  If you recognize these type of people in your life, cut off those dead ends that stunt growth.   Free yourself  of anything that is unhealthy; if left untreated, it will eventually break itself off far worse than if you had taken charge and cut it off the correct way.

 Lastly, I want to acknowledge the relationship that I have with myself, Adenike.  I forget sometimes that I need to maintain this deep kinship, and really pay attention to what is going on with me, just as I would any other relationship.  I  have the tendency to skip over myself, and add just keep going, and going.  It’s an unhealthy way to conduct your life.   I am making an effort to put myself first .   Maybe it’s taking time to treat myself to relaxing  walk in the park, or not scheduling  ANYTHING during free time and staying  home on a nice Saturday afternoon and watching classic movies.   Maybe it is even as indulgent as waking up and going to the gym before I sit down to open even one email.   It may seem self-centered, but really it isn’t.  The way in which one cares for herself, is synonymous with the way one  treats others.   I’m giving  myself a good old weekly deep conditioning treatment called TLC, and hope that it works.

Hair is not even remotely as important or relevant,  as the connection you have with others and yourself.  I threw it in their because I know that many of us are so into hair care, but not as attentive to other needs (myself included).   I plan to create strong, healthy associations, which require the right kind of maintenance with the correct course of action.  This is a must in order for there to be a strong and healthy development with the potential to grow.  At the end of the day, all we really have is relationships. 

 As Always Adenike

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